Abba....What's the deal?

Be all my hopes, be all my dreams. You're my delight, my EVERYTHING. And I will worship You Lord, only You Lord.... And It's just You and me here now, only You and me here now.
This has been so true for me. I find that this little adventure called life continually becomes more and more difficult as time goes on. And in my most recent of months, I've been constantly contemplating all the events that have happened in my ever so short 15 years God has presented me so far.

This year more than ever, I've found myself scrambling to find a foothold, bouncing around spiritually, emotionally, and physically (the ever so draining cutting of weight), all the while questioning the very basis in which I live my life-my faith. I was at my all time lowest point, and fealt absolutely horrible earlier this year. And life just seemed to keep on trucking over and over, each impact worse than the last. Why was I being shaken? Why was I loosing faith? These demons haunted my mind all the more day after day.
I have always been raised in believing that Jesus is the Lord, and I have always accepted that He watches out for me. But to say that I didn't forget these essential bits of knowledge would be a flat out lie. During these un-earthly hardships, I decided that I was screwed....And a fool that made me.

During my time that I would like to label as "Sean's Journey as an Idiot" I was given exactly the one thing I had feared to loose-time. I evalutated everything that had happened, and tried to understand why it happened. And after this element of backtracking, I finally realized that the very root of my suppossed "missfortunes" were in fact, homemade. God had never left me. He was, and still is my Abba.
And I'll tell you, one month of living with all that selfish crap was intollerable for me. How could I have ever been so blind to the obvious facts that my life wasn't bad at all, in fact, I had no scratches worth note compared to others'. I have a loving family, I found an awesome church, I have great friends, and most of all, I found growth.
So to truely answer the question known as "Why?" I'd have to be God Himself. So in this everlonging expedition driven by God's compassion, I will continually ask myself "Why?". And I will continually be reminded of the fact that I didn't created the universe. So I'll have to retort to that question with "Why not?".

I'm not sure where I'm ultimately going to end up in life. But I know that wherever it is my Abba (litteral Arab translation for daddy-and yes, I call God Daddy) still understands me, and knows best. And knowing that is such a joy. For my passion for it all as been excellerated and I have found comfort in my Abba.